i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
