Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
