So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
