is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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