think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
