Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize