Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
