i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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