I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
