I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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