I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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