Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
