so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
