??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
