No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
