FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
