I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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