I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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