Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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