I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
