you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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