i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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