and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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