if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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