I heard we made out
someone owes me an orgasm
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
