I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
