even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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