you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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