Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
