If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize