you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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