Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
