Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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