Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
