His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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