shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You made out with two different species that night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
