I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize