Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
