proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
