Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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