If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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