well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
