How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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