He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
