its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
