it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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