4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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