i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize