I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
