bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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