Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
