if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
