Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
