Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did i walk over a car last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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