what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
