I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
