so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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