Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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