i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
