I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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