Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
