I wish my penis had an off switch
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
