how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
