I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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