We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
