Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
