she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize