If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
