I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
