My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
