I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize