Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
