New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
