everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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