so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
