Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
