I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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