There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
