I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
