The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As shirtless as possible
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
