You can't motorboat a personality
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize