you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
