ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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