after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
