Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
