dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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