Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
