I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
