I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
