I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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