I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
