dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
