My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize