Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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