I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
