I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
