mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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