i think my tv is drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i've created a new STD.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
