i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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