Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize