I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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