So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
