12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
