how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't think brook has ever known best
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
