love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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