I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
