if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
